Mommy Mia's World

Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

With the end of summer comes our annual family reunion at the lake. Here in our area, we have been suffering through a severe heat wave and drought this summer and I was not looking forward to going to the reunion this year. I just knew it would be hot and icky. Lucky for us, we had a cool front moving through that day and the weather cooled off a bit. The bad part was the horrid wind. It blew plates off of the table and everywhere. We were constantly picking things up.

The kids had a great time in spite of the wind. Usually, there are not a whole lot of young kids there but this year was quite different. My son and his many cousins played a lot of fun games while the adults visited. One of the kids brought horseshoes and several brought their bicycles. There were even a few balls being tossed around but they were not doing too well with those because of the wind. We were thankful that they had the heavy horseshoes to keep them occupied.

Family reunions also mean a lot of food. We ate way to much as usual but it was really good. We are looking forward to next year’s reunion. I just hope it isn’t as windy next year. At least we know to bring plenty of fun toys for the kids so they will have a variety of things to do. It keeps them busy and gives us moms a break.

Within a week of the family meeting, my younger sister D (YSD) went to the bank with my mom and me to withdraw the money. We ended up getting close to $300K out of the bank that day. My mom decided to buy a different house to live in since the doctors had diagnosed my dad with dementia and he would most likely be in the nursing home permanently since she was in no shape physically to take care of him. The plans were to buy a new mobile home to live in with OSD and her husband. In the meantime while they were ordeing the house and getting the land cleared off, BD was making plans of his own. He made an appointment with another doctor to try to get my declared competent. Now, when I would go visit my dad, he had no clue where he wasor who anybody was. He did have a few good days but there were way more bad days than good. There was no way he could make any decisions for himself. Well, this other doctor did not outright say he did not have dementia. His statement said that “he could live at home as lon as someone as willing and able to care for him”. After this appointment, my brother K(BK), BD and YSD took Dad home to Mom and said here he is for you to take care of. Jus the week before, my mom had an emergency surgery to put in a pacemaker-so she was not up to any of this. She told them that she could not take care of him with her health the way it was. They informed her that she had 2 weeks to get out of her and dad’s home.

After my dad was admitted to the nursing home following his surgery, we all decided as a family to have a meeting to discuss future plans. My parents had a trust set up in 2000 to place all of their assets in. They owned 11 rental properties, several pieces of heavy equipment and quite a bit of cash. They needed to make sure they were protected legally. In this trust, they also made wills, powers of attorney, etc. Both of my parents were of sound mind when they made these legal documents. After finalizing the paperwork, my dad met with my oldest sister and I one day to explain it all to us since we were to be the executors of the estate and trust. He told us the basics about where the bank accounts were but he would not discuss the specifics of the will with us. He told us flat out, “You can fight about it when I am dead and gone.” Little did we know that the fight would be on before he passed away.

All of my siblings (with the exception of my brother that lives in another state) met at my parent’s house to discuss my dad’s situation. My brother (BD) had already talked to an attorney about the situation and explained to us all just exactly what should be done. He suggested that my mom needed to remove all of the cash from the bank and give it to us kids as a “gift” and then we could give her the money back to keep in case she needed it. Well, mom was not in agreement about giving the money away. D told her she still needed to get the money out of the bank just in case dad had to be in the nursing home indefinitely. Now, keep in mind that with their monthly social security checks and rental income, my dad was set. There was no reason to hide assets from social security. There was plenty of income to cover these expenses. Mom, not really knowing what to do since her whole life has been basically turned upside down agreed to get the money out of the bank and put it aside for future use. We discussed a few other things about the property and ended the meeting with BD upset with the fact that my oldest sister D (OSD) was going to get my dad’s backhoe. Other than that, everything at our meeting went well.

Over the past two years, my life has been turned upside down. My Dad passed away last year after being diagnosed with dementia. It all started with surgery to amputate 2 of his toes.

Two years ago on March 17, 2009, my dad had surgery to remove two of his toes due to infection and lack of blood flow to heal the affected area. After this surgery, he regained consciousness from the anesthesia and was terribly confused. His brain was really gone after that. He kept rambling and talking about work. He was telling everyone that came to visit him to do different things. He had us tighten the nuts and bolts on the bed and other crazy stuff. The doctor told us to give it a few days and he might become more coherent. Well, in the course of those few days, it was determined that he would need a stent in his leg to help the blood flow to his foot. He was then put under the anesthesia again. This time when he came to, it was much worse. Subsequently, he had to have a lower leg amputation due to the lack of blood flow. He was placed in a nursing home for rehabilitation. After being there for a few weeks, the doctor determined that he was not going to recover his mind and diagnosed him with dementia. My mom, who had been married to my dad for 63 years, did the only thing she was able to do. She kept him in the nursing home so he could get the care he needed. My entire family was in agreement with mom’s decision to have dad in the nursing home because we knew she was unable to care for him. This was a devastating blow to our family. We were a very close and loving family and hated to see our dad in the health he was in. It turned out that not all of the family was going to stand behind my mom in her decisions for what was best. That is where my family life tragically started unravelling.